There was a time when I was fascinated with cemeteries. When I was involved in paranormal investigation and mediumship, in fact, they were my favorite place for recording EVPs and taking spirit photos.
So it's not surprising really that while other people's Memorial Day trips to the cemetery were all about remembering their loved ones, my focus was on talking to spirits.
A Paranormal Memorial Day
There was one Memorial Day in particular when I visited the cemetery where my family was buried. I had the best of intentions. I'd even brought begonias to plant.
But before those begonias were even in the ground, I'd began to think about spirits.
I didn't have the recorder I liked to use for paranormal investigation with me so I decided to take a picture and look for orbs. But when I pulled out my fully charged phone, it abruptly shut down.
I'd fried my old phone, trying to take the spirit photo, a year or two earlier.. This current phone was the replacement. So I was annoyed that I'd even taken it out of the car. Annoyed but not afraid. Because it was my belief then that nothing on "the other side" could possibly hurt me.
I tried to restart my phone with no luck at all. So I decided to leave and check it phone again a few miles away from the cemetery.
Driving away, I felt the a presence with me in the car. It wasn't a peaceful presence. Instead it felt jangly and hyper. I had the sense that there were multiple spirits present. There was a giddy kind of energy that I found disturbing.
But, because of my occult belief system, I pushed my sense of unease aside, and decided to having a conversation. I told the spirits about what I was up to, asked for advice and waited for a response.
A few moments later, my phone turned back on. I plugged in the auxiliary cable and started to listen to the audio book I'd played on my way to the cemetery but all I heard was static. In between the bursts of interference I heard the word 'path.' Thinking of my question, I decided to take that word as a go.
Because everything, when it came to spirit communication, was always a go.
Back to the Cemetery
The first rule: in persons who are going from mortal sin to mortal sin, the enemy is ordinarily accustomed to propose apparent pleasures to them, leading them to imagine sensual delights and pleasures in order to hold them more and make them grow in their vices and sins. - The Rules of St. Ignatius
Since my phone was now working, I turned the car around and went back to the cemetery to try to capture some orbs. A part of me was hoping to receive more information from the spirits as well.
By the time I got back to the cemetery the spirits were no longer talking. So I took a few photos and left. On the way home, my audio book played clearly through the stereo speakers. My phone continued to function.
I don't even remember now, what kind of advice I asked for that day. But whatever it was I'm quite sure I took it heart.
It never occurred to me then that the spirits who spoke to me might not have my best interests at heart. Even though the so-called guidance I received over and over during my years in the occult only served to lead me from sin to sin.
Just as St. Ignatius said.
May God protect us all!
St. Benedict medal and materials from Christ the King Priory.
Where I Got My Saint Benedict Medal
I decided to get a St. Benedict Medal after I heard Catholic exorcist Fr. Chad Ripperger recommend it on YouTube. It was important for me to get a medal that was already blessed so I decided to order mine from the St. Benedict Center at Christ the King Priory a Benedictine monastery, mission and retreat center in Schuyler, Nebraska, US.
The material and Medal I received from the priory is pictured above. I chose a smaller sized gold plated Medal. It is very nice, as you can see from the pictures, and was only $10 plus shipping. This is the direct link to order a medal. (Please note, I have no financial relationship with the priory!)
About The Jubilee Medal of St. Benedict
The power of St. Benedict is revealed in this small object that has been fostered by his spiritual sons many years. Marvelous is the aid which the St. Benedict Medal affords to its devout wearers in the manifold necessities of soul and body. (From the pamphlet included with the Medal as pictured below)
One of the primary protections of the St. Benedict Medal is that it is believed to protect against evil spirits.
Material and pamphlet I received
Origin and Explanation of the Medal
St. Benedict (born at Nursia, Italy, in 480 AD) had a profound veneration for the holy cross and for our Savior Crucified. In virtue of the Sign of the Cross, he wrought many miracles and exercised great power over the spirits of darkness. In consequence of the great veneration in which St. Benedict was held from the early Middle Ages, it followed that a Medal was struck. (From the Pamphlet included with the Medal)
Meaning of the Latin
The front of the Medal shows St. Benedict holding a cross and the rule that he wrote to guide his own monastery. This rule is still in use today in Benedictine monasteries around the world.
Around the image of St. Benedict are these words in Latin: "May his presence protect us in the hour of death." St. Benedict has ever been the patron of the dying, because of the circumstances attending his own most glorious death, for he breathed forth his soul while standing in prayer before the Most Blessed Sacrament. (From the Pamphlet included with the Medal)
The Letters on the Other Side of the Medal
On the cross side of the medal we find the letters C S S M L - N D S M D, initials of the words Crux sacra sit mihi lux! Numquam draco sit mihi dux! The English translation for this is, "May the holy cross be my light! May the dragon never be my overlord!"). The large C S P B stand for Crux Sancti Patris Benedicti or "The Cross of [our] Holy Father Benedict." This letters are pictured in my St. Benedict medal below.
The other side of my medal
The movie White Noise was one of several gateways on my path new age and occult deception. But it wasn't really the movie so much as it was the EVPs that were played at the beginning of the film.
I was already deep into various Eastern practices like yoga and meditation at this point and very interested in what lay on the "other side." So the idea of "scientifically proving" the existence of spirits captivated me. And there was something about the EVPs themselves that spoke to me. Which shows, I think, that I was already very far from God.
So, not long after the movie came out, I began recording EVPs on my own and in the company of friends. My favorite spot for EVP recording was cemeteries, though I did visit other locations as well. In the beginning, I got nothing but static. But finally in the summer of 2005 I could my first clear EVP.
I was very excited. Not noticing or caring that the voice I had recorded was low pitched and ominous.
The EVP itself was only a single word and while most people (including myself) thought the word spoken was 'good' others heard it differently. What was clear was that it was a word and it that it seemed to be spoken in answer to my question.
It had a quality I would soon recognize in other preternatural communications of slightly overlapping the question posed.
At the time, I believed I'd recorded a human spirit, just as claimed in the movie "White Noise." And another twelve years would pass before I would fully understand that the spirits I was communicating with were far from benign.
This is not to say that departed humans cannot contact the living. Only that it is a rare occurrence which happens within very narrow perimeters. According to Church-decreed expert on religious demonology and auxiliary member of the International Association of Exorcists, Adam Blai:
There are Church approved books describing many instances of souls manifesting to the living to signal their need for prayer... Though souls in purgatory have been allowed to speak to the saints, that is usually not the situation for the average person.... In the cases of the saints they did not call up the spirits or seek guidance, information, or comfort from them. Once the request for prayer was made communication stopped on both sides... Any communication beyond “help me,” or some other request for prayer, is almost certainly demonic deception. - Possessions, Exorcisms and Hauntings
As Blai points out, often the first word paranormal investigators hear in their investigations is 'help me' but sadly they do not help (through prayer). Instead they continue to request communication with any available spirits.
What they get are demonic spirits masquerading as deceased human beings - just like the one I recorded. And the influence of such spirits is eventually and inevitably dark.
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To learn about my upcoming novel which centers on EVPs and preternatural investigation please see my eBook Page.
Please note, this page includes Amazon affiliate links. If you purchase through one of my links I'll earn a small commission to help further my outreach.
Why I'm Interested in Demonology
I've been studying demonology ever since I came back to the Catholic Church in early 2020. I explained why I was interested in demonology on my new FAQ page, but I wanted to share the info here too.
I became interested in demonology because:
- I had direct personal experience with the demonic when I was involved in the occult and I was still confused about some of the things that had happened to me.
- I was experiencing a lot of spiritual warfare (and actually still do) because of the many doors I had opened and needed to learn more about how to deal with it.
- I love to read and take notes and learn new things. One of the best feelings I know is the one you get when things that didn't make sense before finally start to fall into place.
Why I Almost Didn't Blog on Demonology
When I first started this blog, I was reluctant to even use the word demonology for a few different reasons.
I thought people would consider a blog about demonology weird or dark.
And, the truth is, some do. They aren't completely wrong either because demons are dark - and very deceptive. The problem is, pretending they don't exist only make it easier for them to operate. I still don't like the idea of being judged, however - and that is something that enemy has used against me.
I was afraid I'd experience an uptick in spiritual warfare.
This has happened. A couple days after I made this blog, I was so anxious about how people would react to it that I almost took it down. At 3 in the morning! Then I realized how over the top that kind of anxiety was. I've been writing and speaking publicly on various platforms since 2010 so it's very out of character for me to worry that much about anything I say online.
This wasn't the only episode of spiritual warfare I had to deal with but it was an instance that was relatively easy to fix. My anxiety faded quickly as I recited the Rosary in Latin and I fell asleep without dismantling the site.
I was afraid that other Catholics would tell me I had no business writing on demonology.
I haven't dealt with this directly as of yet, but I do know that many priests and exorcists have reservations about people who become interested in demonology. And I do understand this concern. Especially because a lot of people are drawn to dark topics and it can cause problems.
Adam Blai, a psychologist and Church sanctioned lay demonologist deals with this issue in the question and answer section in the back of his very helpful book Possession, Exorcism and Hauntings (affiliate link).
Q: How do I become a demonologist? A: Why would you want to? Many people in the paranormal community, and in the public, seem to think demonology is "cool" or "exciting" or will make them famous. These reasons fade very quickly for those who actually meet a demon. Being a demonologist is a spiritual calling that leads one to live part of their life in nightmare environments of intense physical, emotional, and spiritual suffering that people go through. People don't choose to be demonologists or exorcists; God makes people demonologists or exorcists.
I don't necessarily disagree with the points made here. Because Blai is a practicing psychologist and a demonologist, I believe that he does see a LOT of suffering and I commend him for the work that he does. To me, having an interest in demonology, or even feeling you are an expert (which I don't) and calling yourself a demonologist, is different. Though it can have its risks.
I was worried that it might be a slippery slope.
This, I think, is the concern most priests have when people develop an interest in demonology or other paranormal topics - which I completely understand. There are many different ways that the devil can trip us up and I know, from experience, that people who have a fascination with paranormal phenomena are definitely at risk.
But I don't think that ignorance is the answer, either. Instead, I am convinced that our safety lies in our devotion to our Catholic faith. Some people may be able to get by as lukewarm Catholics. Those of us who have tiptoed through the dark cannot.
Why I Decided to Blog on this Topic
It's one thing to read about demons, however, and another thing to publicly blog on it.
When I first started talking about my past experience in the occult, I didn't go into any real detail about the demons I had encountered. But as time passed I began to become more and more aware of the degree of demonic activity in our society as a whole. And it concerned me.
So I decided that it made sense to talk about my own experience and what I am learning here in this blog in hopes it will be of use. In upcoming posts, I'll be sharing more about Catholic resources and approaches to demonology and paranormal phenomena.
So please do check back!
I got a lot out of this book and think the author does a great job of presenting the dark history of feminism, the impact toxic femininity has had on our culture and the spiritual darkness goddess worship.
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If you like this video, please consider subscribing to my youtube channel at youtube.com/c/BarbaraGraver
I just finished "Death Cult" (affiliate link), the second book in Declan Finn's "Saint Tommy NYPD" Catholic horror series. And I will say this, if you don't think Catholic horror is a thing - you haven't read this series.
I began with the first book in the series - "Hell Spawn" (affiliate link). In this book Detective Tommy Nolan conducts an investigation into a serial killer, battles the MS-13 gang and has a violent show down with the demonic.
Book two (Death Cult) begins with a home invasion that threatens Tommy's own family. From that point on, the book is almost nonstop action as Tommy goes head to head with zombies, the Women's Health Core and a diabolical cult.
As a devout Catholic on the fast track to sainthood, Tommy has some pretty unusual supernatural abilities, including bilocation and the ability to smell evil. Thanks to his role as dedicated cop and family man, who relies on his faith to do a very difficult job, he is believable as well.
"Saint Tommy NYPD" is a true horror series including a high body count and some very violent scenes. In Death Cult, in fact, there is an abortion clinic scene so horrific it would be almost unbelievable - if the author hadn't reminded us of the Kermit Gosnell case a bit earlier on.*
The only real complaint I had about the series was that the author uses the same prayer in one of his possession scenes that I use in my own unpublished book "Forest of Thorns" :) Luckily, however, my book is far from finished so I have plenty of time to decide if I should swap out the prayer, or not.
Aside from that one small thing - I enjoyed both books and plan to continue on with the series!
I'm also going to be digging a little deeper into the genre of horror from a Catholic perspective in an upcoming post, so please check back.
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* Kermit Gosnell is a former MD who was convicted of killing one female patient and three infants who were born alive during late term abortions in his Philadelphia "house of horrors" abortion clinic. Many people question why the trial received so little media coverage relative to the horrific nature of the crimes. To read more about the media response to the Gosnell trial (and the movie that came after) please see the following article in the Courier Times. It is written by JD Mullane, the journalist who took the photo of the trial's empty media seats in 2013 (below).
**Please note- this post contains Amazon affiliate links. This means that if you purchase a book through one of my links I may earn a small commission.
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